if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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