My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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