I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
