Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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