TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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