Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
