from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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