Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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