God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
