So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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