Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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