I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
