I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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