Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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