How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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