I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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