Buhtt sex?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
