I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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