Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
