nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
