My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
