someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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