If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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