I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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