pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's get the cat blown out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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