So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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