3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
