Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
