u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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