I can text with my tongue
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
