Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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