i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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