Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
