I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
