She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
