Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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