Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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