Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
