It's like God shit irony all over that family
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
