I think my vagina is haunted
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
