either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She made me pour olive oil on her.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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