I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You ruined the universe
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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