Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
