I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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