I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Don't make out with my wife yet
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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