I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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