I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
