Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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