Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Text me some of your sweat
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
