and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
